In a sea of red equal signs, crosses, X's, and more flooding my news feed today, I chose not to change my profile picture.
Why? Not because I don't have very strong beliefs about the general topic of human sexuality and marriage, and not because I didn't want to offend anyone - I'm not apologizing for my beliefs. But I do think that how I feel about the topic cannot be accurately described in a small profile picture, or with one particular symbol. And I think it deserves more of a conversation, and more attention, than just a day of Facebook profile pictures. More than just angry comments on different pictures about how intolerant or hateful everyone is. More than what I can cover in a single blog post, but at least this is a start.
The majority of people that care about this debate know that the Catholic Church does not support gay marriage (they do support gay people, and teach us to love and respect all humans regardless of sexual orientation) -- but they don't truly understand the reason WHY, which is the most important part. In reality, the misunderstanding is not about gay marriage - it's about misunderstanding human sexuality and the meaning of relationships as a big picture.
The world we live in today puts sex on a pedestal. While, in the appropriate context, sex can be a beautiful, God-given gift, we are not put on earth for the sole reason of having sex, and to say that we are only to be used for that is demeaning to the whole value of human life and purpose. To say that my value as a person, as a woman, is based on my sexuality, is offensive - because I am more than just my body.
Guess what? I'm a 24-year-old woman, I'm not married, I'm not having sex, and I'm alive. Maybe one day I'll get married, and will have sex. Maybe I will be single for the rest of my life, and I'll never have sex. Either way, it's not at the top of my priority list. It doesn't make me sad to think about the possibility of not having sex, or not getting married. Because I know that I'm worth more than what I can do with my body.
The idea that a human being is more than just sexual organs is crucial to the Church's teachings on sexuality, marriage, and relationships in general. The most important part of a human being is his or her soul -- so that's what we have to care for in our relationships. Catholicism teaches that ALL people are called to live by the same "rules" -- to respect, love, and care for other souls. To uphold the true purpose of sex - a free, total, faithful, and live-giving act of love in the context of marriage. To respect the sacrament of marriage - between a man and a woman.
Just because I'm not married doesn't mean I can't love people. I just can't express that love to people through having sex with them. If people with same-sex attractions can't get married, that doesn't mean they can't love people, either - they just can't express that love through sex in a moral way, just like me. Same standards. And neither I, nor gay couples, will die from, or have an awful life because of a lack of extra-marital sex. In fact, if people stop putting bodies, sex, and society's twisted idea of self-worth so high on their priority list, they would be happier in the long run.
It's not that I don't understand or have compassion for people with same-sex attractions. Some of my best friends, and some people that I consider to be family, are gay, and I don't love them any less because of that. Hearing stories they tell me about having sex outside of marriage makes me sad in the same way that it does to hear about heterosexual friends having sex outside of marriage - and when I say sad, I don't mean :( , I mean feeling sad for their souls, and sad that they don't see the value of their souls and themselves as more than just a physical body. A familiar kind of sadness that comes from knowing in your heart that you deserve more and can be happier. On the other side, hearing from the friends that are gay, but choosing to live chastely and be celibate instead of pursuing sexual homosexual relationships, makes me respect and admire them even more. (Check out this awesome blog post: http://mattfradd.com/2012/06/14/catholic-gay-and-feeling-fine/)
Is it a struggle to live out these high standards of chastity? Absolutely. No one said it would be easy - after all, our bodies are made the way they are so that they are able to have sexual relationships, and we all have hormones. I've been in that struggle - let's just say there was a time in my life where my beliefs weren't as strong as they are today. But I can speak from experience in saying that I've found SO much more joy in my life from discovering the real value in who I am, and what my body and soul were made for. To understand that better, I encourage everyone to look into Theology of the Body (Never heard of it? Start with either of these books: http://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Beginners-Introduction-Revolution/dp/1934217859/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1364347661&sr=8-2&keywords=theology+of+the+body or http://www.amazon.com/Theology-Body-Teens-Student-Workbook/dp/1932927867/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1364347661&sr=8-6&keywords=theology+of+the+body). Be ready for it to change your life.
Why do I feel like I need to "force" these beliefs on other people by staying out of the fight on the political level? Because I care about people's souls - which is saying much more than caring about people's feelings of who they can love. We are not supposed to judge people, or souls - but we do need to judge people's actions, hold each other accountable for actions that hurt our souls, and help guide each other closer to God and heaven. (You should also check out this blog post, which explains more about the arguments over gay marriage: http://mattfradd.com/2013/03/26/gay-marriage-our-agreements-solve-our-disagreement/).
We also live in a country founded on the freedom of religion - not just the freedom of worship. My religious freedom is already being attacked right now by our government, because the government is forcing religious people to go against their beliefs (like by paying for healthcare that violates what the Church teaches about abortion, among other things). If we make gay marriage legal, how long will it be before they start forcing churches to uphold governmental standards of what marriage is? That's not far from what our country is coming to. I know that I can't go around and physically force people to live chastely, but I can't sit by and watch as people disregard the meaning and value of marriage and sexuality. I have an obligation, and we all do, to show people the truth about who they are, who they are made to be, and what they can do to get there.
The value of a soul is worth fighting for.
*Above is the original version of this blog post. However, after talking to a few people about this post, I decided that a few things were missing from it. Please check out the next post on this blog by clicking here: http://alwaysletyourlightshine.blogspot.com/2013/03/you-are-not-alone-in-your-struggles-or.html or clicking on the link to "You are not alone in your struggles..." located in the sidebar on the right side of this page. Thanks for reading!
Well Said Jackie -- That's "something beautiful"! :-)
ReplyDeleteReally enjoyed your blog post. Great writing :)
ReplyDeleteHi Jackie! I like creeping on people's blogs, so, well, sorry for creeping!
ReplyDeleteI think it's always valuable to look at all sides of an issue and to constantly refine my beliefs/how I express them/etc., so I enjoyed reading your post to see where you're coming from. In my effort to be informed from several perspectives, I found a specific sentiment recently that I thought was an interesting way to view the debate, so I thought you might be interested (in case you haven't seen this before). Basically, the idea is this:
If Christian religious doctrine is permitted to influence law (e.g. in prohibiting gay marriage), should we all be legally subject to elements of other religious doctrines (e.g. of Islamic and Jewish people) as well?
If we accept that laws can be justified on the premise of concern for another person's soul, wouldn't that mean that someone should also be able to mandate that everyone keep Kosher or observe Ramadan?
You don't necessarily have to respond; it's just something that I've been considering recently that I felt was share-worthy.
I hope you're doing well! (:
Hey Grace!
DeleteThat's an awesome question, and one that I'll definitely have to do some thinking and research on. I'm no expert on all of this, but I do know that the reason why I personally fight for what I believe in is because of my faith. That includes the reasoning behind my own personal votes.
Many faiths share similar views about general political topics and core values, but differ in the traditions we use to practice our religions (like Ramadan, being Kosher, Christmas, etc.) I don't think people should be mandated by the government to practice religion in a certain tradition. However, the values that come from a religion and it's doctrine (respect for life, sanctity of marriage, etc.) are part of a person and cannot be separated from their vote if that's what they truly believe. Those values are something more universal. From my point of view, would it be awesome if the U.S.'s laws were in line with the teachings of the Catholic Church? Heck yes. If most U.S. citizens hold religious values and show those beliefs through their voting habits, then yes, law would be influenced by religious doctrine. But the U.S. shouldn't necessarily follow religious beliefs of a denomination that does not have a majority representation in the country.
All religious thoughts aside, I can at least speak from the Catholic perspective when I say that the Church's teachings on things like gay marriage have a theological argument to them, and also a secular/philosophical argument based on reason, not "because the Church said so." (for a little more on that, check out the last link to the mattfradd.com blog). If presented logically, then from a secular standpoint, it would make sense to support the winning argument.
I'll definitely have to give this some more thought... but thanks for bringing it up! :) Hope you are doing well too!